The words we use (and choose) are so important not just because they are one of the fundamental tools of communication, also because they can have deep impact. Words can be healing, uplifting, motivating and soothing. On other hand, words can also make or break reputations. In fact, words can create deep wounds that last a lifetime if we allow it.
The words we use in our own lives affect not just the people we interact with at home and at work but also those we meet along the way, in casual exchanges. Most importantly, the words we say to ourselves – our self-talk – have a huge impact on our thoughts, our outlook on life, our health & well-being, our self-image, our self-confidence and our self-esteem.
Most people are far harsher in the words they use to themselves than those they would ever use with anyone else. This matters because these words embed themselves in our psyche. They then become our identity and determine what we think, what we do, how we feel, how we treat others and how we allow others to treat us.
Ninety five percent of the way we operate is unconscious and only five percent of our behaviour is conscious, so if our subconscious is determining our thoughts and our results – the very quality of our life, then it’s really up to us to feed it positive messages about who we are and what we stand for.
The primal job of the unconscious mind is our survival. Some of our programming was developed millions of years ago when we lived in caves and our survival was dependent on being part of the tribe – for warmth, food and safety from predators.
Since we are no longer threatened by predators in the wild, the unconscious now looks to keep us safe in other ways, from psychological monsters like self-doubt and self-criticism through our instincts and our inner critic. Unfortunately, this often causes self-sabotage that we create by the way we speak to ourselves.
So, please get rid of the negative things you say to yourself, some of which you might not even be aware. Quietening our inner critic and amplifying our inner coach and inner champion is a muscle we need to strengthen. Our inner coach is the part of us that encourages while inner champion is that aspect of ourselves that cheers and celebrates our successes. Unfortunately, all too often, the critic drowns out the coach and champion, that is, if the coach and champion have ever been developed.
The most powerful words in any language are ‘I AM’. Anything that follows these words gets stored in the psyche as part of our identity. So, it’s important to be mindful of the words we select to follow ‘I am’.
Saying derogatory things to ourselves is a common trap we fall into, me included (though much less now than before). See the table below for other examples of disempowering words as well as more empowering words you can use as a substitute.
| DISEMPOWERING | EMPOWERING |
| Should | Choose to (Can) |
| Must | Would like to |
| Always | Sometimes… |
| Never | Occasionally… |
| Have to | Decide (not) to |
| If only… | Yet |
| Wish I had | Want to |
Steps to mind your language.
- DECIDE you want to improve your self-talk.
- BE AWARE of the words you choose.
- STOP YOURSELF immediately you hear you putting yourself down, even if it’s mid-sentence.
- Correct yourself by REPHRASING it in a positive (or at least a neutral) way.
- PRACTICE
- Rinse and REPEAT on a continuous basis.
By Alyson Williams
Alyson Williams is an Empowerment and Self-love Alchemist. Her passion is to empower her clients to take charge of their life by giving them skills and strategies to guide them on an inner journey to self-love, transforming from the ‘old you’ to the ‘new you’, the true you. Wherever we are on our self-love journey, there’s always room for greater expansion and depth.
Alyson is an empowerment and self-love coach, relationship coach, leadership coach, Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Coach, Extended DISC Behaviour Analysis practitioner, hypnotherapist and Bling Angel.
To book a strategy session if you would like to explore how to have difficult conversations, manage relationships and/or increase your self-love or self-care practices contact Alyson, details below.
Email: coach@pylcoaching.com
Website: www.poweryourlifecoaching.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AlysonLWilliams
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alyson-williams-434ab6117/
Phone: +61 432 580 886
Booking link: https://calendly.com/alyson-williams/
